"I'm up for it but cannot commit" says the text from Bobby Backspin. "Don't think training a problem as I'm fitter than the rest so prep time less"
Apart from distance running, where Punky shaded it, Bobby was the best at sport. He could have been a pro-cricketer, but gave it all up for love. He realised his mistake when she fucked off soon afterwards. A handsomely pre-nuped affair with Cricket, on the other hand, would have lasted much longer, and bought its own dress.
I ignore the "yes but no" element of the text. Winning at Kili-climbing would secure bragging rights for the next 10-years and Bobby's intense competitive streak wouldn't allow him to pass the opportunity up. He's in.
Less certain is Punky - "All sounds great - haven't got pass yet, health/ family consideration"
I forgot that he operates on reduced lung capacity from an illness years ago, so the altitude issue could scupper him completely. I run it past the younger brother, who's actually a physio specialising in back pain - which makes him the nearest thing we've got to a lung doctor, so is our oracle.
"Shouldn't be impossible - depends on how fit he is. Mental approach as important as physical condition on this type of climb"
(This sounds familiar. He once told me that 90% of back pain is in the mind. Unfortunately the other 10% was giving me gyp at the time. "I don't need some tu'penny ha'penny psychologist, I need some genuine TLC" I protested. "My point exactly" came the reply. Ouch!)
Gave the reassuring news to Punky "You'll be fine, as long as you remember to breathe using your diaphragm" I say, hoping it doesn't sound like I'm confusing mountaineering with opera singing.
"I see a specialist each January and will get his opinion then. Should be OK - still like to go skiing as well." says Punky. Bet his specialist isn't some tu'penny ha'penny backstreet quack, so that's a definite maybe - fingers crossed.
JG might need a nudge - so ping him a text "G, Kili update, if Punky can do it with half a lung, we've got no excuses"
"Heaven help me - count me in" comes the reply. Result!
Now for JK. "Son - Kili trip - its for your Charidee - are you in" Best not beat about the bush with JK - he's a man of action straight from the JFDI school of management
"I'd love to climb the bugger" That's a Yes then! Nice one. Now for the tricky Down on the Farm question.
"Great - now can I give you some suggestions regarding the name" I say, hoping this isn't going to cause grave offence. People often take criticism of their creative ideas far too personally - it's a nightmare. Telling someone their well-meant suggestion has got as much chance of flying as a Quorn sandwich has of making the menu of Le Gavroche, is as tricky as telling them you've given their daughter the clap.
"There's no easy way to say this"
"Think you already have then"
"The name should evoke some kind of positive ... er? ... dynamic ... em ... fuck it - the name stinks. Its a bad pun on your son's condition. Might put donors off"
"Thanks mate, I'll take your professional advice on that one"
Phew! I knew all these years working in brand management would eventually pay off. It's taken the best part of 25 years, but my classical marketing training has finally delivered something useful to the world.
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