With the trip barely a week away, we have a final get together at the Sausage and Mash cafe, to make sure we're all on the same page. Our party consists of a CEO/COO; a Chairman; a General Manager; a Finance Director; an ex film reviewer and an unemployed bloke who used to be a Corporate Liar (that's a PR to the uninitiated). Looks like a board meeting, sounds like a board meeting, Bobby's even got a notepad.
Item 1 - dinner. Toad in the Hole with Bubble and Squeak and Heinz baked beans. Bloody marvelous. I wonder if they might rustle this up on Kilimanjaro? Wouldn't that be something.
Item 2 - the checklist.
"First up - passports" says Bobby."Does everyone have one"
"Check"
"Check"
"Check"
"Check"
"Er - No" says JG "Actually runs out in November, but needs to be valid for six months"
Jesus Christ - we've fallen at the first hurdle! But why do they issue a 10 year passport if the bloody thing is only valid for 9 and a half? Why don't they just come clean and admit they're diddling you out of 5% of your money by selling you a passport that doesn't reach its sell by date. And why do we stand for it? If you'd bought some food from Tesco's and it went off before the due date, you'd take it back and give them what for - but we all just casually accept our Passports blowing up in our fridge without giving it a second thought.
"I'm on the case" he assures us "And I do have my vaccinations certificate" I somehow doubt UK Border Control will fall for that one - unless the current Home Office policy is no-one shall pass unless we're sure they won't be a burden to the NHS.
"Has anyone had laser surgery?" asks Punky
"Me" say Gooner D (both eyeballs in fact).
"Right, well something might happen at 4000m and you could get tunnel vision"
"OK - what can I do about it?"
"Nothing really- just don't panic if it happens"
The other weird thing that happens at 4000m is Lithium batteries pack up, and if the altitude doesn't get them, the sudden change of temperature might. This gives us all grave concerns about capturing that once in a lifetime achievement. Further research concludes that we need to keep batteries inside our innermost pockets of our innermost clothing (and in our sleeping bags at night), and hope! And on the final assault, assuming we get that far, one camera is going into an underwater case, along with couple of hand-warmers. Might just do the trick.
Talking of batteries, we're investing in a solar battery charger, which sounds great, except there's no official way of attaching them to your rucksack, so some elastic bands, bulldog clips and good old-fashioned ingenuity are also being employed. Let's hope it's not cloudy when we need it.
JG and Robbie seem very keen to get medical requisities organised, so that we don't end up all bringing talcum powder but no Immodium. This seems a very sensible idea, even if it does feel like we're taking a small branch of Boots up the mountain with us.
Amid much discussion about wicking underwear, thermal trousers, toilet paper rationing, and top tips for keeping water from freezing (dose it up with Diarolyte apparently), all the remaining items on the checklist pass without incident. JK seemed to glaze over after two minutes, and so, concerned he's not going to be equipped enough, we leave him with this thought from other climbers: "You're never going to be too warm, so go for maximum thermals and lots of layers"
Last item - haircuts and beards. Apart from Gooner D, we all have to report with a number 4 crew cut, and be clean shaven, so that we can all grow a beard on the mountain. Quite why we're going to turn up looking like a bunch of skinheads is beyond me. And why exactly do blokes hold beard-growing competitions? Answers on a postcard please.
Meeting adjourned. Next time we'll all be together will be on the plane. Assuming they allow gangs of middle-aged skinheads on board.
No comments:
Post a Comment